Oyster Happy Hour, Anyone?

18 Nova Scotian Oysters paired with 3 glasses of Vinho Verde - Upstate: Craft Beer and Oyster Bar (95 1st Ave, New York, NY)

Whether you’re starving while saving the world at a non-profit (I see you), spending your days in a trading room and nights in a cubicle (hey, at least you skipped grad school), or you were picked on in high school, but then showed everyone by launching your own startup at 19, the one thing yuppies and poor grad students can agree upon is that oyster happy hours are awesome. Like, straight up, awesome. Unlike some of the more regrettable, possibly shame-inducing decisions you’ve made in your 20s, Oyster happy hours are a refined, but fiscally responsible way to spend an evening – especially if the venue hosts a $1 oyster deal.

For broad strokes purposes, here’s a quick ‘n’ easy guide to ordering oysters:

There are two main groups of oysters: East Coast and West Coast... it's the mollusk version of the Biggie vs. Tupac rivalry 

East Coasters tend to be larger, meatier, and brinier (i.e. they taste like the ocean). Menu options include: Blue points, Prince Edward Islands (PEIs), and anything from Nova Scotia

West Coasters tend to be smaller, sweeter, creamier, and have a more cucumber-y finish. Menu options include: Kumamotos, Hog Islands, Kusshis, and anything from British Columbia. *While these are my favorite, they also cost nearly double the average east coaster. Therefore, you'll be hard-pressed to find these guys on a happy hour list

Now, Onto the “Happiest” portion of an oyster Happy Hour - The wine.

There will always be a beer option… however, I don’t drink beer, so I can’t help you there. If you want to get all you can out of these slimy little guys, you can’t go wrong guzzling down any of these delicious options:

• With a briny, meaty East Coaster, drink something bubbly (i.e. a Prosecco or a Cava) – these tend to be inexpensive options that possess balanced acidity and light effervescence – they’ll bring your behemoth of an oyster to life
•  With a smaller, creamier West Coaster, go for a California or New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc (you are bound to find a decently priced one on nearly every menu), or even a dry rosé – their bright acidity will perfectly cut through the unctuousness of a west coaster

Now, I know oysters aren’t everyone’s bag, but I wholeheartedly encourage you to gulp down one of these suckers at least once* - they’re delicious, nutritious, and, while that whole “aphrodisiac” thing is probably a marketing ploy by the oyster lobby, once you get over the texture, your life will be infinitely better.

*EXCEPT the lot of you with shellfish allergies – I will not accept any liability for self-induced Anaphylaxis