Bottles, Beaches, and Bivalves

December 01, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani

It's finally December 1st and, while some East Coasters are dreaming about snowflakes and sugar plums, those of us who actually remember last year's apocalyptic winter are left fantasizing about beaches and bikinis. So, if you're lucky enough to be fleeing our climate zone between now and March (or are simply planning a summer vacation), here's a guide to what your beach diet should look like.

...Because Diluted Mojitos and avocado salads just aren't going to cut it.

**Boiled Maine Lobster with Drawn Butter**

Who doesn't love a gorgeous hunk of steamy lobster - especially when you aren't murdering it yourself. But, if you need a little liquid courage before wrestling with those massive claws, grab a crisp, citrusy Albariño like the Don Olegario ($18). It adds the perfect hints of pineapple, lemon, and sea salt to complement the succulence of your sweet, buttery lobster meat

Lobster Roll + Dry Rosé = Douchey Deliciousness. Before lacing up that two-piece and heading to Lunch, Lobster Roll, buy a bottle of Bonny Doon's Vin Gris De Cigare ($18) or Robert Sinksey's Vin Gris of Pinot Noir ($28). Both rosés rock zesty, acidic finishes that refresh your palate after every mayo-laced bite. But, seriously, barring another Hamptons rosé shortage, steer clear of that watered-down garbage the Fat Jew's peddling. I don't care how #basic you may be... you're better than White Girl Rosé

Oysters like their wine the way John Mayer likes his women - white, pretty, and occasionally bubbly. They can hang with anything from a creamy Champagne to a dry, mineral-rich Chablis. Hell, if you're unsure, pull a Mayer and try a different glass per oyster... whatever floats your boat. Personally, I'm in heaven with a dozen juicy west coasters and a fruity, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. A bottle of Oyster Bay is literally the perfect fit - it's a touch bubbly, packs an acidic punch, and mellows brininess

Fried food without sparkling wine is like Mickey Mouse without the ears - it's just unnatural. If you wanna bump your crunchy tentacles up to the next level, go with a dry, Spanish bottle like the Brut Cava Anna de Codorníu NV ($15). Its riveting acidity, subtle effervescence, and silky texture balance the breading's saltiness and enhance the tenderness of the calamari itself. Cava and fried squid click so well, they should basically be out buying each other friendship bracelets

Assuming Elite Daily isn't your sole "news" provider, you've probably heard (and ignored) that you should be avoiding tuna the way you do those sidewalk petitioners. Most tuna - particularly those big guys (i.e. Bluefin and Yellowfin) - have been declared ridiculously unsustainable. And, even if the whole "destruction of the ecosystem" thing doesn't turn you off, much of our tuna supply is riddled with toxic levels of mercury. But, you know, if you've already consumed enough Alzheimer's-inducing mercury to render the Earth's impending implosion irrelevant... live dangerously and order a lil Ahi once in a while. For tacos dotted with spicy mayo and/or jalapeños, balance their heat and freshness with an off-dry Riesling like the Monchhof Urzig Wurzgarten ($16) from Mosel.

Hey 'Rents, Where Oui Eatin' Tonight?

October 15, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine, French

Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar  (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC) — Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC)

It's the end of the month, bills are due in a hot second, and you just blew through the last of your budget on a new pair of boots and two rounds of Don Julio shots. So what's a poor grad student to do to get a little reprieve from an entire week of ramen, mac 'n' cheese, and cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How 'bout an impromptu visit to your parents' place? Now, a move like this assumes a number of factors: 1 - that they live close enough to prevent the trip from costing you more than the meal you're craving; 2 - the psychological berating you will inevitably endure - in the form of questions about "why you don't call enough?" and "why you haven't found a decent boyfriend yet?" - doesn't offset your enjoyment of the meal; and 3 - they actually want to see your broke ass. But, presuming you've weighed the pros and cons of such a visit, you should break up the carbo-loading by giving your parents a ring.

Personally, when I attempt to squeeze out a multi-course meal (or two), I go French. Considering the cuisine's hefty price tag, you could've crawled out of the womb clutching job offers from Goldman and Google, and it would STILL be highly unlikely that guys like Robuchon, Ripert, and Boulud prep your meals on a weekly basis. Hell, chances are you're still riding out your Verizon family plan. So, if you want to take a page out of the mooching playbook, drag your 'rents their area's best Brasserie and use this guide as a roadmap.

Here's How to Feast like the French

If you want to partake in the most decadent way to devour creatures of the deep, order a seafood tower. These babies are stacked to the brim with the freshest clams, oysters, cockles, lobster, crab, shrimp, etc money can buy and are generally served with lemon wedges, shallot mignonette, and/or a horseradish based cocktail sauce. I recommend pairing these levels of iced deliciousness with a crisp, citrusy Chenin Blanc like the Le Vieux Clos Savennières, a steely, mineral driven Chablis, or - if you totally want to blow the Somm's mind - a zesty, briny, and razor-sharp Picpoul. Each of these wines will complement the oysters' salinity, highlight the sweetness of the lobster meat, and act as the perfect squeeze of lemon for the clams - you won't even need those wedges.

Nicolas Joly Le Vieux Clos Savennières Chenin Blanc - $35

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If you hate snails, you can escargot-f**ck yourself. Drenched in butter, garlic, and herbs, these suckers (as long as they're cooked properly) may be the best bite of your evening. Pair your escargot with a buttery, unoaked Chardonnay (to be safe, steer clear of Californians) like a White Burgundy from Domaine Roulot. Or, if you're feeling a little frisky, go for a bottle, or 2, of a Provençal-style brut Rosé. These pale-pink wines are fruity, bone-dry, and super food friendly. I'm currently obsessed with the Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain, but its a lil' pricey (~$45 retail). So, an economical alternative is the Donny Boon vin Gris de Cigare (~$18) - it's crisp, refreshing, and will totally balance out the heaviness of a butter and garlic sauce.

Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain - $45

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An unctuous piece of Foie (be it seared, a terrine, or torchon style) pairs with nothing so well as the sweet lusciousness of a Sauternes. This is actually considered one of the most badass pairings of all time. I realize that it may feel strange to drink a Sauternes (French dessert wine) with an appetizer course but, when sipped alongside a piece of force-fed, duck liver-y goodness, the wine's acidity brilliantly cuts the Foie's richness, while its sweetness complements the dish's fruity compote and/or jammy element. Try a glass of Château Rieussec along with as much Foie as your conscience will allow. Sorry, PETA, but torture is tasty.

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For a gorgeous hunk of beef, your gut instinct is probably to grab a big, bold California Cab. And you needn't fight that. With a Steak au Poivre (pepper steak) - if you want to stick with Napa - go for the always elegant Honig Cabernet Sauvignon. It's high alcohol and balanced tannins (the part of the wine that makes you feel like your teeth are wearing sweaters) will slice through a fillet's fatty richness. However, if you find yourself wanting to absorb all the Frenchiness your Brasserie has to offer, order a smokey Syrah like the Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" from Northern Rhone. It's notes of blackberry and spice awesomely complement your steak's pops of peppercorn.

Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" - $75

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Let's be honest, the party shouldn't have to end just because the server breaks out the dessert menu. Now, I'm not a huge sweets person (wine comprises about 80% of my sugar intake) but, with traditional, rich confections like chocolate-bathed profiteroles and crème brûlée, you've gotta pair your desserts with wines high in sugar. If you drink a dry wine with a very sweet dish, be prepared for the wine to come off as bitter and aggressive. The rule of thumb is that the wine should be sweeter than the dish it's paired with. So, as far as dessert wines go, try a Sauternes or a tropical fruity Muscat like the Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise. This is one of the few times sweet on sweet won't make you nauseous.

Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise - $14

Oyster Happy Hour, Anyone?

September 10, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Occasion

18 Nova Scotian Oysters paired with 3 glasses of Vinho Verde - Upstate: Craft Beer and Oyster Bar (95 1st Ave, New York, NY) — 18 Nova Scotian Oysters paired with 3 glasses of Vinho Verde - Upstate: Craft Beer and Oyster Bar (95 1st Ave, New York, NY)

Whether you’re starving while saving the world at a non-profit (I see you), spending your days in a trading room and nights in a cubicle (hey, at least you skipped grad school), or you were picked on in high school, but then showed everyone by launching your own startup at 19, the one thing yuppies and poor grad students can agree upon is that oyster happy hours are awesome. Like, straight up, awesome. Unlike some of the more regrettable, possibly shame-inducing decisions you’ve made in your 20s, Oyster happy hours are a refined, but fiscally responsible way to spend an evening – especially if the venue hosts a $1 oyster deal.

For broad strokes purposes, here’s a quick ‘n’ easy guide to ordering oysters:

There are two main groups of oysters: East Coast and West Coast... it's the mollusk version of the Biggie vs. Tupac rivalry

East Coasters tend to be larger, meatier, and brinier (i.e. they taste like the ocean). Menu options include: Blue points, Prince Edward Islands (PEIs), and anything from Nova Scotia

West Coasters tend to be smaller, sweeter, creamier, and have a more cucumber-y finish. Menu options include: Kumamotos, Hog Islands, Kusshis, and anything from British Columbia. *While these are my favorite, they also cost nearly double the average east coaster. Therefore, you'll be hard-pressed to find these guys on a happy hour list

Now, Onto the “Happiest” portion of an oyster Happy Hour - The wine.

There will always be a beer option… however, I don’t drink beer, so I can’t help you there. If you want to get all you can out of these slimy little guys, you can’t go wrong guzzling down any of these delicious options:

With a briny, meaty East Coaster, drink something bubbly (i.e. a Prosecco or a Cava) – these tend to be inexpensive options that possess balanced acidity and light effervescence – they’ll bring your behemoth of an oyster to life
With a smaller, creamier West Coaster, go for a California or New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc (you are bound to find a decently priced one on nearly every menu), or even a dry rosé – their bright acidity will perfectly cut through the unctuousness of a west coaster

Now, I know oysters aren’t everyone’s bag, but I wholeheartedly encourage you to gulp down one of these suckers at least once* - they’re delicious, nutritious, and, while that whole “aphrodisiac” thing is probably a marketing ploy by the oyster lobby, once you get over the texture, your life will be infinitely better.

*EXCEPT the lot of you with shellfish allergies – I will not accept any liability for self-induced Anaphylaxis