Hey 'Rents, Where Oui Eatin' Tonight?

October 15, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine, French

Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar  (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC) — Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC)

It's the end of the month, bills are due in a hot second, and you just blew through the last of your budget on a new pair of boots and two rounds of Don Julio shots. So what's a poor grad student to do to get a little reprieve from an entire week of ramen, mac 'n' cheese, and cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How 'bout an impromptu visit to your parents' place? Now, a move like this assumes a number of factors: 1 - that they live close enough to prevent the trip from costing you more than the meal you're craving; 2 - the psychological berating you will inevitably endure - in the form of questions about "why you don't call enough?" and "why you haven't found a decent boyfriend yet?" - doesn't offset your enjoyment of the meal; and 3 - they actually want to see your broke ass. But, presuming you've weighed the pros and cons of such a visit, you should break up the carbo-loading by giving your parents a ring.

Personally, when I attempt to squeeze out a multi-course meal (or two), I go French. Considering the cuisine's hefty price tag, you could've crawled out of the womb clutching job offers from Goldman and Google, and it would STILL be highly unlikely that guys like Robuchon, Ripert, and Boulud prep your meals on a weekly basis. Hell, chances are you're still riding out your Verizon family plan. So, if you want to take a page out of the mooching playbook, drag your 'rents their area's best Brasserie and use this guide as a roadmap.

Here's How to Feast like the French

If you want to partake in the most decadent way to devour creatures of the deep, order a seafood tower. These babies are stacked to the brim with the freshest clams, oysters, cockles, lobster, crab, shrimp, etc money can buy and are generally served with lemon wedges, shallot mignonette, and/or a horseradish based cocktail sauce. I recommend pairing these levels of iced deliciousness with a crisp, citrusy Chenin Blanc like the Le Vieux Clos Savennières, a steely, mineral driven Chablis, or - if you totally want to blow the Somm's mind - a zesty, briny, and razor-sharp Picpoul. Each of these wines will complement the oysters' salinity, highlight the sweetness of the lobster meat, and act as the perfect squeeze of lemon for the clams - you won't even need those wedges.

Nicolas Joly Le Vieux Clos Savennières Chenin Blanc - $35

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If you hate snails, you can escargot-f**ck yourself. Drenched in butter, garlic, and herbs, these suckers (as long as they're cooked properly) may be the best bite of your evening. Pair your escargot with a buttery, unoaked Chardonnay (to be safe, steer clear of Californians) like a White Burgundy from Domaine Roulot. Or, if you're feeling a little frisky, go for a bottle, or 2, of a Provençal-style brut Rosé. These pale-pink wines are fruity, bone-dry, and super food friendly. I'm currently obsessed with the Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain, but its a lil' pricey (~$45 retail). So, an economical alternative is the Donny Boon vin Gris de Cigare (~$18) - it's crisp, refreshing, and will totally balance out the heaviness of a butter and garlic sauce.

Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain - $45

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An unctuous piece of Foie (be it seared, a terrine, or torchon style) pairs with nothing so well as the sweet lusciousness of a Sauternes. This is actually considered one of the most badass pairings of all time. I realize that it may feel strange to drink a Sauternes (French dessert wine) with an appetizer course but, when sipped alongside a piece of force-fed, duck liver-y goodness, the wine's acidity brilliantly cuts the Foie's richness, while its sweetness complements the dish's fruity compote and/or jammy element. Try a glass of Château Rieussec along with as much Foie as your conscience will allow. Sorry, PETA, but torture is tasty.

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For a gorgeous hunk of beef, your gut instinct is probably to grab a big, bold California Cab. And you needn't fight that. With a Steak au Poivre (pepper steak) - if you want to stick with Napa - go for the always elegant Honig Cabernet Sauvignon. It's high alcohol and balanced tannins (the part of the wine that makes you feel like your teeth are wearing sweaters) will slice through a fillet's fatty richness. However, if you find yourself wanting to absorb all the Frenchiness your Brasserie has to offer, order a smokey Syrah like the Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" from Northern Rhone. It's notes of blackberry and spice awesomely complement your steak's pops of peppercorn.

Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" - $75

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Let's be honest, the party shouldn't have to end just because the server breaks out the dessert menu. Now, I'm not a huge sweets person (wine comprises about 80% of my sugar intake) but, with traditional, rich confections like chocolate-bathed profiteroles and crème brûlée, you've gotta pair your desserts with wines high in sugar. If you drink a dry wine with a very sweet dish, be prepared for the wine to come off as bitter and aggressive. The rule of thumb is that the wine should be sweeter than the dish it's paired with. So, as far as dessert wines go, try a Sauternes or a tropical fruity Muscat like the Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise. This is one of the few times sweet on sweet won't make you nauseous.

Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise - $14

Don't Leave Me Tongue-THAI'D

September 30, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine

A lesson I learned a touch too late: Thai food is not appropriate for every occasion. It's particularly unsuitable for the “early in the game” dating scene. I’ve been there, thai’d that… Heads up: it was a freakin’ disaster. So, unless you AND your tinder smokeshow have stomachs of steel, DO NOT spend your first, second, or ESPECIALLY third date (assuming you’re into that rule) eating Thai food. It may be tasty, but it certainly ain’t sexy – except, of course, if you’re turned on by tears, runny noses, and frequent, potentially painful trips to the restroom. And, maybe you are (a total psycho) but, personally – if you don’t fantasize about blowing your brains out while listening to your date’s stories about a cat’s bizarre eating habits or a newly diversified stock portfolio – I don’t think a fiery bowl of Pad Thai is worth the risk. Dating in Manhattan can get exhausting. Don’t add to the stress by worrying whether a river of black tears is streaming down your face or that choosing to wear those white pants was a serious error in judgment.

Granted, this opinion refers (almost exclusively) to authentically hot, even Indian-influenced Thai dishes. All Thai restaurants are not created equal. In midtown, it’s totally possible to get stuck with an insipid Red Curry labeled as “hot”; and, downtown, there’s no shortage of “mild” Penang Curries that will corrode the roof of your mouth. While servers at a few joints will alert the kitchen to a non-Asian (read “White”) diner – an act which some consider racist, but I deem overtly compassionate – others will not.

So, to be safe, just table that Thai craving ‘till your best friend wants to come over, drunkenly bitch about her boss, and guzzle down a green curry.

Once you’ve chosen the correct companion (or opted to fly solo) for your masochism-laced dining experience, partner your dishes with something that will periodically relieve abuse your tongue is about to endure. Stay the hell away from water. This will be one of the only times that proper hydration will make you want to kill yourself. Instead, opt for a drink with chemical properties proven to tamp down heat. Milk can work, but now that like 80-something percent of the world is lactose-intolerant, Phuket. Just reach for that wine list.

So, what’s the NUMBER 1 RULE when it comes to pairing wine with spicy food? Alcohol amplifies heat. Accordingly, if you don’t want that seemingly innocuous, green papaya salad to incinerate your taste buds, pair your chili-spiked dishes with a wine lower in the good stuff. For reference, high alcohol wines are anything with an alcohol percentage of 13.5 or above (if you’re curious whether you are drinking one, you can find that info somewhere on the label). This category includes California Cabs, Argentine Malbecs, and Australian Chardonnays.

Tips for an En-THAI-cing Partnership:

Triple Three Flavor Fish (Left); Drunken Man Noodles (Right) - Jaiya (396 3rd Ave New York, NY) — **Triple Three Flavor Fish** (Left)**; Drunken Man Noodles** (Right) **- Jaiya** (396 3rd Ave New York, NY)

With nearly any spicy veggie, chicken, or seafood dish – GO GERMAN: Most German (and Alsatian) whites, particularly Rieslings and Gewürztraminers, have a low alcohol content (9-12%), some residual sugar to mellow the heat, and high acidity to match a dish’s intensity.

Reach for a citrusy, aromatic Trimbach Alsace Riesling (~$21.99) or try a tropical fruit-forward, off-dry Wagner Vineyards Gewürztraminer (~$13.00) — Reach for a citrusy, aromatic Trimbach Alsace Riesling (~$21.99) or try a tropical fruit-forward, off-dry Wagner Vineyards Gewürztraminer (~$13.00)

If you just aren’t that into whites or simply prefer a red with a meaty course – GO FRENCH. With dishes like these:

Kana-style Pork (Left); Sweet and Sour Beef (Right) - Jaiya (396 3rd Ave New York, NY) — **Kana-style Pork** (Left); **Sweet and Sour Beef** (Right) - **Jaiya** (396 3rd Ave New York, NY)

a light-bodied Beaujolais, with its low to moderate level of alcohol (10-12.5%), high acidity (allowing it stand up to a highly complex dish), and low tannin (Intense tannins can accentuate the bitterness of a spicy dish) is a brilliant pairing for a hearty Thai dish.

Experiment with a slightly-chilled, Beaujolais-Villages Château de Lacarelle (~$12.99) — Experiment with a slightly-chilled, Beaujolais-Villages Château de Lacarelle (~$12.99)

Tapas: The Commitment-Phobe's Meal Made in Heaven

September 24, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine

Let’s be real, we all have that friend (or in my case, my mother), who, without fail, orders the wrong item on the menu. Like every miserable time. The dish, in most cases, isn’t even cooked improperly; it’s more that your pathologically picky eater convinces herself that she is cultured enough to be “culinarily” adventurous… SPOILER ALERT: She’s not. So, what’s the secret to maintaining your dining relationship with this fussy-ass eater? Tapas.

With tapas (Spanish small plates), seafood, beef, pork, cheese, veggies – it doesn’t matter – your options are virtually limitless. And the central rationale as to why these Spanish goodies should be the only feasting option for you and your finicky friend? Tiny portions. Each serving is generally somewhere between 3 to 4 pieces, maximum. That’s it. That’s all you get. UNLESS… you actually happen to LOVE it! Then, go crazy – order ‘till you start to feel your jeans tear into your abdomen. BUT, if you hate the dish, it ain’t no thang. It’s basically finished anyway. Push the plate aside and order whatever jamón-wrapped, fried cheese item you’ve been eying for the last 20 minutes. It’s the most beautifully noncommittal way to enjoy a meal. And, BONUS: the portion sizes are so small that the judgmental “you should go to the gym” inner monologue you may or may not have wont even be activated.

Considering the calories you're saving on small plates, you should be drinking some combination of the following:

*EXPERT TIP: Just like the food, the wine should feel non-committal as well. Go for glasses rather than bottles here so that you can explore what truly makes you happy.

Sangria: Most quality tapas places offer homemade Sangria in any (or all) of the elixir’s three styles: Red (Tinta), White, and Sparking (Cava). If they do, and you’ve heard their Sangria is something to write home about – GO NUTS. I have literally no rules here. To work up an appetite, I like to have a pitcher of the restaurant’s best version before the tapas ordering even begins. But that’s just me. Try one, all three, or intersperse a pitcher or two throughout your meal. Just keep in mind you’re definitely Ubering home.

Cava: As the Spanish answer to Champagne, Cava is always a winner. It’s also majorly economical – you can score a fabulous bottle of Cava for like $12.99 retail. Pair your nutty, citrusy bubbly with Pan con tomate, fried goat cheese croquets, or seared octopus.

White: Enjoy Galicia’s most badass export – the citrusy, peachy, super refreshing Albariño – with one of the country’s most ubiquitous tapas: Gambas al Ajillo (shrimp in sizzling garlic). But, honestly, I’ll pair a good Albariño with nearly anything. I'm talking from pancakes to sushi – they’re incredible.

Red: When scarfing down a bowl of Albondigas (Spanish meatballs), grilled Chorizo, or expertly cooked skirt steak, reach for a bottle from Spain’s red wine powerhouse: Rioja. Aged for at least 3 years, a Rioja Reserva, with its earthy, complex, mushroomy profile is an awesome, meat-friendly wine.

Dinner by Delivery - Taco Edition

September 17, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine

It's late, you're exhausted, and you've just collapsed in your doorway thanks to the coma-like state your boss, professor, mother, or ex has driven you into. You've hit that point where you can blink and wiggle your fingers, but not much else. Your only thought becomes, "How the hell am I going to feed myself?" And then, like a message from the heavens, it dawns on you - you're Seamless-ing, Grubhub-ing, or Postmate-ing this B. I don't care if the restaurant is 3 blocks away, you are clicking a few buttons on your phone and, in 40 minutes, a lovely person in a bike helmet is putting that food in your lap, before going on his merry way.

Now, what to order? Chinese, Mexican, and sushi tend to be your safest bets – they all travel decently well and you kind of know what to expect (i.e. you aren’t throwing your food out and heating up frozen Bagel Bites instead). But on days where nothing’s going quite right, a decent taco can make you step off the ledge.

So, you've settled on tacos from that amazing hole-in-the-wall joint you tell no one about, but what to drink? Let's be honest, on days like this, you can barely muster the energy to wash your face, let alone craft a decent margarita. And, unless you stockpile enough quality tequila to drink on the rocks (and maybe you do, I don't know your life), you're inevitably going to need something to gulp down that pairs well with the feelings you're eating.

Beer is an option, sure. But, honestly, its probably not high enough in alcohol to take the edge off (unless you plan to have 6). So, it shouldn’t shock you, given the theme of this blog, that a great bottle of wine should be your go-to when it comes to delivery tacos.

Here’s a simple pairing guide for three very different taco options:

Fish Taco (fried or grilled): For a fish taco, reach for a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Its citrusy, pineappley notes will brighten up your taco and its high acidity perfectly complements a white, flakey fish. All you need now is a bikini and a beach. Try a Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc - they're sold nearly everywhere and retail for about 11 bucks

Beef Taco (e.g. carne asada, barbacoa, ground beef): To beef up your beef taco, pour yourself a massive glass of Argentinian Malbec. Its luscious, black fruitiness will enhance the meat's juiciness and its body can stand up to a grill’s smoky char. Experiment with a Layer Cake Malbec - it features bold and spicy chocolate notes and will run you about $15

Pork Taco (al pastor, carnitas, pulled-pork): A braised or spit-grilled, greasy pork taco calls for a dry, sparkling rosé. Because pork tacos tend to have sweet elements, especially those marinated with pineapple or grilled onions, a sparkling, Spanish Cava is an excellent option. The Cava’s fruity notes highlight the taco’s sweetness and its acidity cuts some of the pork’s fat. Try a Freixenet Cordon Rosado - it’s a great blend and retails for like 10 bucks