Bottles, Beaches, and Bivalves

December 01, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani

It's finally December 1st and, while some East Coasters are dreaming about snowflakes and sugar plums, those of us who actually remember last year's apocalyptic winter are left fantasizing about beaches and bikinis. So, if you're lucky enough to be fleeing our climate zone between now and March (or are simply planning a summer vacation), here's a guide to what your beach diet should look like.

...Because Diluted Mojitos and avocado salads just aren't going to cut it.

**Boiled Maine Lobster with Drawn Butter**

Who doesn't love a gorgeous hunk of steamy lobster - especially when you aren't murdering it yourself. But, if you need a little liquid courage before wrestling with those massive claws, grab a crisp, citrusy Albariño like the Don Olegario ($18). It adds the perfect hints of pineapple, lemon, and sea salt to complement the succulence of your sweet, buttery lobster meat

Lobster Roll + Dry Rosé = Douchey Deliciousness. Before lacing up that two-piece and heading to Lunch, Lobster Roll, buy a bottle of Bonny Doon's Vin Gris De Cigare ($18) or Robert Sinksey's Vin Gris of Pinot Noir ($28). Both rosés rock zesty, acidic finishes that refresh your palate after every mayo-laced bite. But, seriously, barring another Hamptons rosé shortage, steer clear of that watered-down garbage the Fat Jew's peddling. I don't care how #basic you may be... you're better than White Girl Rosé

Oysters like their wine the way John Mayer likes his women - white, pretty, and occasionally bubbly. They can hang with anything from a creamy Champagne to a dry, mineral-rich Chablis. Hell, if you're unsure, pull a Mayer and try a different glass per oyster... whatever floats your boat. Personally, I'm in heaven with a dozen juicy west coasters and a fruity, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. A bottle of Oyster Bay is literally the perfect fit - it's a touch bubbly, packs an acidic punch, and mellows brininess

Fried food without sparkling wine is like Mickey Mouse without the ears - it's just unnatural. If you wanna bump your crunchy tentacles up to the next level, go with a dry, Spanish bottle like the Brut Cava Anna de Codorníu NV ($15). Its riveting acidity, subtle effervescence, and silky texture balance the breading's saltiness and enhance the tenderness of the calamari itself. Cava and fried squid click so well, they should basically be out buying each other friendship bracelets

Assuming Elite Daily isn't your sole "news" provider, you've probably heard (and ignored) that you should be avoiding tuna the way you do those sidewalk petitioners. Most tuna - particularly those big guys (i.e. Bluefin and Yellowfin) - have been declared ridiculously unsustainable. And, even if the whole "destruction of the ecosystem" thing doesn't turn you off, much of our tuna supply is riddled with toxic levels of mercury. But, you know, if you've already consumed enough Alzheimer's-inducing mercury to render the Earth's impending implosion irrelevant... live dangerously and order a lil Ahi once in a while. For tacos dotted with spicy mayo and/or jalapeños, balance their heat and freshness with an off-dry Riesling like the Monchhof Urzig Wurzgarten ($16) from Mosel.

Here's how to Properly Carbo-Load before a Marathon (Assuming you're watching it from your couch)

November 05, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani

Ever wondered how to pair your favorite adult grape juices with the world's greatest pizza? Then, read on. But, full disclosure: this is not a post meant to prove to Chicagoans, Californians, or the citizens of whatever other sub par pizza producing location that New York pizza is the best. It just is. This is not up for debate. Take a lesson from that Frozen chick and "Let it Go."

Margherita Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY — **Margherita Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY**

When dealing with a Neapolitan OG like the Margherita, you should be sipping on something that matches its tomatoes' acidity, accents its basil's freshness, and complements the fluffiness of its crust. On a summer day, if you aren't drinking a fruity rosé with your Margherita, I'd recommend reevaluating your other life choices (just to be safe). Order a chilled bottle of Château Routas Rouvière Côteaux Varois en Provence ($14). In the winter months, however... reach for a gorgeously-balanced Chianti with smooth tannins and cherry notes like the Castellare di Castellina Chianti Classico ($20). This is a better pairing than T-Pain and autotune.

**The White Album: Speedy Romeo's - 376 Classon Ave, NY**

White pies are probably the only kind served at RNC pizza parties these days, but, at least they're a tasty way to pretend color doesn't exist. In keeping with the whole "white-on-white" theme, add a glass, or 3, of Chablis. The Jean-Marc Brocard ‘Domaine Saint Claire’ ($19) brilliantly contrasts the pizza's deep, creamy garlic sauce. Assuming, however, that your pizza preference is less about race and more about an addiction to cheese, grab a floral, fruity Frappato. It's acid will perfectly cut the rich, saltiness of the pie's cheesy layers. If you're rollin' in a couple more Benjamins than usual, try the Occhipinti Frappato ($35) from Sicily - It's incredible and produced by a badass Italian chick, named Arianna, who's been making wine since she was 21.

Soppressata Piccante Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY — **Soppressata Piccante Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY**

Planning to ignore the WHO's whole "Smoked and cured meats WILL DEFINITELY give you cancer" thing? Yeah, me too. You can pry that sausage out of my cold, dead hands. So, rather than swear off pork, just turn off CNN, Seamless your favorite meatlover's pie, and crack open a bottle of Nebbiolo. This grape's bright acid, bold tannins, and extreme juiciness make it the sexiest partner for the salt, smoke, and spice of your pizza. Try a Massolino Langhe Nebbiolo ($25) from Piedmont.

**Brussels Sprouts Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY**

For the last couple years, Brussels Sprouts have been the Beyoncé of the vegetable world - they're effortlessly fabulous, look great in basically anything, and everybody, at some point, has wanted a taste. That being said, since appearing on nearly every menu across the continental U.S., Brussels now seem more like the veggie equivalent of Taylor Swift (played out and pedestrian); nevertheless, in the hands of the right chef, these guys remain as delicious as ever. And, if you've never had them tossed in pancetta fat and baked into your pizza, get your ass to Motorino (East Village or Williamsburg) immediately - this pie will restore your faith in humanity. White wine addicts should inhale it along side a refreshing, dry Chenin Blanc like the one produced by Dry Creek Vineyards ($12). Red obsessives should grab a vibrant, fruity bottle of Barbera d'Asti like the Michele Chiarlo Barbera d'Asti Superiore 'le Orme' - for 12 bucks, you wont find a better pairing.

**Shroomtown Pie: Vezzo Thin Crust Pizza - 178 Lexington Ave, NY**

Ordering this pie is the closest most of us will ever come to doing 'shrooms... and that's totally cool because it's a seriously better way to spend an afternoon than having a conversation with a polka-dotted hippo about Marcel Proust. Pair this pizza's 'shroomy goodness with a buttery, French Chardonnay like the Joseph Drouhin LaForêt ($13) or with a bottle that perfectly complements the meaty, earthiness of mushrooms like an Oregon Pinot Noir. King Estate produces an awesome bottle for $16.

**Greenpointer Pie: Paulie Gee's - 60 Greenpoint Ave, NY**

Need to convince yourself that your pizza habit's actually nutritious? Go for a veggie pie. The good ones are nothing more than a piece of dough topped with a mound of arugula and shaved Parmesan anyway... you're basically eating a salad. And, what's the optimal pairing for a plate full of leaves? Sauvignon Blanc. Reach for a citrusy, green peppery bottle from New Zealand. IMO Cloudy Bay SB ($29.99) is the only move you should be making.

Rollin' with the Homies

October 23, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani

The difficulty with sushi-wine pairings is that, when you're dealing with radically different types of fish, often topped with competing flavors, it's nearly impossible to find a a single bottle capable of pairing well with everything. But, let's be real, you most likely aren't ordering a different glass per piece - especially if you plan to have a full sushi dinner. Even for a seasoned drinker, that's just aggressive. So, to combat such a drinking dilemma, I find that a good strategy is to group the pieces of fish you order by their compatible wine types. If you're doing an "Omakase," however, this approach is about as useless as a porn with subtitles. You may need to opt for the restaurant's pairing there.

Sushi Lunch: Sushi of Gari 46 - 347 West 46th Street New York, NY (PC: Sara Snyder) — Sushi Lunch: Sushi of Gari 46 - 347 West 46th Street New York, NY (PC: Sara Snyder)

Tuna (Maguro/Toro): Tuna’s like that kid in high school that everyone liked – he could party with the jocks, make sweet music with the orchestra, and rock out calc problems with the people who didn’t peak at 17. Because raw tuna possesses almost red meat-like characteristics, it pairs amazingly well with soft, complex, low tannin reds like Pinot Noir - try the earthy, Elouan Pinot from Oregon ($26). If, however, you’re hankering for a white, Tuna’s melt-in-your-mouth, fat is beautifully complemented by a smooth, buttery, unoaked Chardonnay like the Mer Soleil "Silver" from Santa Lucia Highlands ($19). The luscious texture match here makes this a serious winner.

Yellowtail (Hamachi): Because Hamachi is known for its rich, creamy texture (but happens to be a white fish), the white wines which pair well with fatty tuna work brilliantly with Yellowtail too. In my opinion, the Mer Soleil "Silver" Santa Lucia Highlands Unoaked Chardonnay ($19) or really any creamy, medium-bodied Chardonnay is a nice option.

Salmon (Sake): Just like Tuna, Salmon can roll with a variety of crews thanks to its salty, slightly smokey flavor profile. When it comes to reds, Salmon’s main squeeze is Pinot Noir like the Elouan from Oregon. For whites, it hangs the best with a highly acidic, dry Riesling like the Trimbach ($17).

Eel (Unagi): Because the eel you receive at sushi places is always cooked/often glazed within an inch of its life in an Asian BBQ sauce, it begs for a fruitier wine with the right amount of effervescence and acidity to cut through Unagi’s fat. Go with something dry, pink, and bubbly like the Canella Rosé Spumante NV ($21). Eel can throw some serious attitude but this Italian Rosé can dish it right back.

Sea Urchin (Uni): If your sushi chef breaks out some gonads – as long as they aren’t his – you should pair their buttery, salty, sweet unctuousness with a steely dry, highly acidic white with moderate minerality/earthy undertones. When looking for a white like this, a French Pinot Gris is always a good starting point. In my book, if your Uni is looking for a life partner, and not a late-night booty call – definitely go with the Trimbach Pinot Gris ($20). For the compatibility and cost, it’s perfect.

Hey 'Rents, Where Oui Eatin' Tonight?

October 15, 2015 by Ariana Kripalani in Cuisine, French

Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar  (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC) — Foie Gras Torchon - Nopa Kitchen + Bar (800 F ST NW, Washington, DC)

It's the end of the month, bills are due in a hot second, and you just blew through the last of your budget on a new pair of boots and two rounds of Don Julio shots. So what's a poor grad student to do to get a little reprieve from an entire week of ramen, mac 'n' cheese, and cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How 'bout an impromptu visit to your parents' place? Now, a move like this assumes a number of factors: 1 - that they live close enough to prevent the trip from costing you more than the meal you're craving; 2 - the psychological berating you will inevitably endure - in the form of questions about "why you don't call enough?" and "why you haven't found a decent boyfriend yet?" - doesn't offset your enjoyment of the meal; and 3 - they actually want to see your broke ass. But, presuming you've weighed the pros and cons of such a visit, you should break up the carbo-loading by giving your parents a ring.

Personally, when I attempt to squeeze out a multi-course meal (or two), I go French. Considering the cuisine's hefty price tag, you could've crawled out of the womb clutching job offers from Goldman and Google, and it would STILL be highly unlikely that guys like Robuchon, Ripert, and Boulud prep your meals on a weekly basis. Hell, chances are you're still riding out your Verizon family plan. So, if you want to take a page out of the mooching playbook, drag your 'rents their area's best Brasserie and use this guide as a roadmap.

Here's How to Feast like the French

If you want to partake in the most decadent way to devour creatures of the deep, order a seafood tower. These babies are stacked to the brim with the freshest clams, oysters, cockles, lobster, crab, shrimp, etc money can buy and are generally served with lemon wedges, shallot mignonette, and/or a horseradish based cocktail sauce. I recommend pairing these levels of iced deliciousness with a crisp, citrusy Chenin Blanc like the Le Vieux Clos Savennières, a steely, mineral driven Chablis, or - if you totally want to blow the Somm's mind - a zesty, briny, and razor-sharp Picpoul. Each of these wines will complement the oysters' salinity, highlight the sweetness of the lobster meat, and act as the perfect squeeze of lemon for the clams - you won't even need those wedges.

Nicolas Joly Le Vieux Clos Savennières Chenin Blanc - $35

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If you hate snails, you can escargot-f**ck yourself. Drenched in butter, garlic, and herbs, these suckers (as long as they're cooked properly) may be the best bite of your evening. Pair your escargot with a buttery, unoaked Chardonnay (to be safe, steer clear of Californians) like a White Burgundy from Domaine Roulot. Or, if you're feeling a little frisky, go for a bottle, or 2, of a Provençal-style brut Rosé. These pale-pink wines are fruity, bone-dry, and super food friendly. I'm currently obsessed with the Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain, but its a lil' pricey (~$45 retail). So, an economical alternative is the Donny Boon vin Gris de Cigare (~$18) - it's crisp, refreshing, and will totally balance out the heaviness of a butter and garlic sauce.

Château de Selle Rosé Coeur de Grain - $45

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An unctuous piece of Foie (be it seared, a terrine, or torchon style) pairs with nothing so well as the sweet lusciousness of a Sauternes. This is actually considered one of the most badass pairings of all time. I realize that it may feel strange to drink a Sauternes (French dessert wine) with an appetizer course but, when sipped alongside a piece of force-fed, duck liver-y goodness, the wine's acidity brilliantly cuts the Foie's richness, while its sweetness complements the dish's fruity compote and/or jammy element. Try a glass of Château Rieussec along with as much Foie as your conscience will allow. Sorry, PETA, but torture is tasty.

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For a gorgeous hunk of beef, your gut instinct is probably to grab a big, bold California Cab. And you needn't fight that. With a Steak au Poivre (pepper steak) - if you want to stick with Napa - go for the always elegant Honig Cabernet Sauvignon. It's high alcohol and balanced tannins (the part of the wine that makes you feel like your teeth are wearing sweaters) will slice through a fillet's fatty richness. However, if you find yourself wanting to absorb all the Frenchiness your Brasserie has to offer, order a smokey Syrah like the Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" from Northern Rhone. It's notes of blackberry and spice awesomely complement your steak's pops of peppercorn.

Côte-Rôtie "Brune & Blonde de GUIGAL" - $75

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Let's be honest, the party shouldn't have to end just because the server breaks out the dessert menu. Now, I'm not a huge sweets person (wine comprises about 80% of my sugar intake) but, with traditional, rich confections like chocolate-bathed profiteroles and crème brûlée, you've gotta pair your desserts with wines high in sugar. If you drink a dry wine with a very sweet dish, be prepared for the wine to come off as bitter and aggressive. The rule of thumb is that the wine should be sweeter than the dish it's paired with. So, as far as dessert wines go, try a Sauternes or a tropical fruity Muscat like the Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise. This is one of the few times sweet on sweet won't make you nauseous.

Domaine de Durban Muscat de Beaumes-de-Venise - $14