Here's how to Properly Carbo-Load before a Marathon (Assuming you're watching it from your couch)

Ever wondered how to pair your favorite adult grape juices with the world's greatest pizza? Then, read on. But, full disclosure: this is not a post meant to prove to Chicagoans, Californians, or the citizens of whatever other sub par pizza producing location that New York pizza is the best. It just is. This is not up for debate. Take a lesson from that Frozen chick and "Let it Go."

Margherita Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY

When dealing with a Neapolitan OG like the Margherita, you should be sipping on something that matches its tomatoes' acidity, accents its basil's freshness, and complements the fluffiness of its crust. On a summer day, if you aren't drinking a fruity rosé with your Margherita, I'd recommend reevaluating your other life choices (just to be safe). Order a chilled bottle of Château Routas Rouvière Côteaux Varois en Provence ($14). In the winter months, however... reach for a gorgeously-balanced Chianti with smooth tannins and cherry notes like the Castellare di Castellina Chianti Classico ($20). This is a better pairing than T-Pain and autotune.   

The White Album: Speedy Romeo's - 376 Classon Ave, NY

White pies are probably the only kind served at RNC pizza parties these days, but, at least they're a tasty way to pretend color doesn't exist. In keeping with the whole "white-on-white" theme, add a glass, or 3, of Chablis. The Jean-Marc Brocard ‘Domaine Saint Claire’ ($19) brilliantly contrasts the pizza's deep, creamy garlic sauce. Assuming, however, that your pizza preference is less about race and more about an addiction to cheese, grab a floral, fruity Frappato. It's acid will perfectly cut the rich, saltiness of the pie's cheesy layers. If you're rollin' in a couple more Benjamins than usual, try the Occhipinti Frappato ($35) from Sicily - It's incredible and produced by a badass Italian chick, named Arianna, who's been making wine since she was 21.  

Soppressata Piccante Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY

Planning to ignore the WHO's whole "Smoked and cured meats WILL DEFINITELY give you cancer" thing? Yeah, me too. You can pry that sausage out of my cold, dead hands. So, rather than swear off pork, just turn off CNN, Seamless your favorite meatlover's pie, and crack open a bottle of Nebbiolo. This grape's bright acid, bold tannins, and extreme juiciness make it the sexiest partner for the salt, smoke, and spice of your pizza. Try a Massolino Langhe Nebbiolo ($25) from Piedmont. 

Brussels Sprouts Pie: Motorino - 349 E 12th St., NY

For the last couple years, Brussels Sprouts have been the Beyoncé of the vegetable world - they're effortlessly fabulous, look great in basically anything, and everybody, at some point, has wanted a taste. That being said, since appearing on nearly every menu across the continental U.S., Brussels now seem more like the veggie equivalent of Taylor Swift (played out and pedestrian); nevertheless, in the hands of the right chef, these guys remain as delicious as ever. And, if you've never had them tossed in pancetta fat and baked into your pizza, get your ass to Motorino (East Village or Williamsburg) immediately - this pie will restore your faith in humanity. White wine addicts should inhale it along side a refreshing, dry Chenin Blanc like the one produced by Dry Creek Vineyards ($12). Red obsessives should grab a vibrant, fruity bottle of Barbera d'Asti like the Michele Chiarlo Barbera d'Asti Superiore 'le Orme' - for 12 bucks, you wont find a better pairing. 

Shroomtown Pie: Vezzo Thin Crust Pizza - 178 Lexington Ave, NY

Ordering this pie is the closest most of us will ever come to doing 'shrooms... and that's totally cool because it's a seriously better way to spend an afternoon than having a conversation with a polka-dotted hippo about Marcel Proust. Pair this pizza's 'shroomy goodness with a buttery, French Chardonnay like the Joseph Drouhin LaForêt ($13) or with a bottle that perfectly complements the meaty, earthiness of mushrooms like an Oregon Pinot Noir. King Estate produces an awesome bottle for $16.  

Greenpointer Pie: Paulie Gee's - 60 Greenpoint Ave, NY

Need to convince yourself that your pizza habit's actually nutritious? Go for a veggie pie. The good ones are nothing more than a piece of dough topped with a mound of arugula and shaved Parmesan anyway... you're basically eating a salad. And, what's the optimal pairing for a plate full of leaves? Sauvignon Blanc. Reach for a citrusy, green peppery bottle from New Zealand. IMO Cloudy Bay SB ($29.99) is the only move you should be making. 

Rollin' with the Homies

The difficulty with sushi-wine pairings is that, when you're dealing with radically different types of fish, often topped with competing flavors, it's nearly impossible to find a a single bottle capable of pairing well with everything. But, let's be real, you most likely aren't ordering a different glass per piece - especially if you plan to have a full sushi dinner. Even for a seasoned drinker, that's just aggressive. So, to combat such a drinking dilemma, I find that a good strategy is to group the pieces of fish you order by their compatible wine types. If you're doing an "Omakase," however, this approach is about as useless as a porn with subtitles. You may need to opt for the restaurant's pairing there.

View fullsize

Sushi Lunch: Sushi of Gari 46 - 347 West 46th Street New York, NY (PC: Sara Snyder)

Tuna (Maguro/Toro):  Tuna’s like that kid in high school that everyone liked – he could party with the jocks, make sweet music with the orchestra, and rock out calc problems with the people who didn’t peak at 17. Because raw tuna possesses almost red meat-like characteristics, it pairs amazingly well with soft, complex, low tannin reds like Pinot Noir - try the earthy, Elouan Pinot from Oregon ($26). If, however, you’re hankering for a white, Tuna’s melt-in-your-mouth, fat is beautifully complemented by a smooth, buttery, unoaked Chardonnay like the Mer Soleil "Silver" from Santa Lucia Highlands ($19). The luscious texture match here makes this a serious winner.

Yellowtail (Hamachi): Because Hamachi is known for its rich, creamy texture (but happens to be a white fish), the white wines which pair well with fatty tuna work brilliantly with Yellowtail too. In my opinion, the Mer Soleil "Silver" Santa Lucia Highlands Unoaked Chardonnay ($19) or really any creamy, medium-bodied Chardonnay is a nice option.

Salmon (Sake): Just like Tuna, Salmon can roll with a variety of crews thanks to its salty, slightly smokey flavor profile. When it comes to reds, Salmon’s main squeeze is Pinot Noir like the Elouan from Oregon. For whites, it hangs the best with a highly acidic, dry Riesling like the Trimbach ($17).   

Eel (Unagi): Because the eel you receive at sushi places is always cooked/often glazed within an inch of its life in an Asian BBQ sauce, it begs for a fruitier wine with the right amount of effervescence and acidity to cut through Unagi’s fat. Go with something dry, pink, and bubbly like the Canella Rosé Spumante NV ($21). Eel can throw some serious attitude but this Italian Rosé can dish it right back.

Sea Urchin (Uni): If your sushi chef breaks out some gonads – as long as they aren’t his – you should pair their buttery, salty, sweet unctuousness with a steely dry, highly acidic white with moderate minerality/earthy undertones. When looking for a white like this, a French Pinot Gris is always a good starting point. In my book, if your Uni is looking for a life partner, and not a late-night booty call – definitely go with the Trimbach Pinot Gris ($20). For the compatibility and cost, it’s perfect.